Invading Europe 2.0
New adventures in Bristol and also recipes for some reasonArchive for povertymeal
Link Round-Up
I know it’s been a while but if you look at the post beneath this one you’ll understand there’s been a fair bit going on in Ol’ Brizzle.
Bah! Enough excuses and witty banter. On with the links.
Anyway, here’s the first one.
- The top 10 food trends for 2009 according to Epicurious.
Now, they don’t exactly use the term “poverty meal” but check out number 1.
Exactly.
- Awesome renamed classic board games. Because boardgames are going to be big during the Great Depression 2.0.
- Here is a video of the world’s air traffic over a 24 hour period.
I think I finally understand why you always seem to arrive at Heathrow in the morning.
- Tintin is gay. Here’s the proof. He has also always been truly shit. I really REALLY hate Tintin. Stupid poof.
- Here’s a UK motorway map made to look like the tube map. Oddly helpful.
- The trailer for Lesbian Vampire Killers.
There’s probably a number of reasons why such a thing may interest you. But you will be SUPER excited if you are a fan of Gavin and Stacey.
- This piece of HP software turns RSS feeds into newsletters that you can print off. RSS feeds like mine. Because I know only a tiny fraction of you zoo animals actually use an RSS reader.
- Want to keep goldfish in your toilet? Yeah, you know you do.
- A truly compelling history of board games. I hate Monopoly but now I know way more about it.
- Behold the in-car microwave. Because the American consumer’s biggest problem is lack of access to convenient food.
- Lovecraftian Christmas carols. It’s a few weeks too late but you will find these really cool if you are uncool enough to be familiar with the Cthulu mythos.
(It’s the second and third video. The first video is just creepy.)
And that is all.
Goodnight ladies.
Parsnip Gratin
Another vegetarian one.
I cooked this tonight… It was the first meal cooked in our new kitchen.
Note this is probably only a poverty meal if parsnips are in season… Which they are over here.
The original recipe is here… Because naturally I wouldn’t come up with this on my own. Mostly I just stare at parsnips in the supermarket and say “I love you! But I just don’t know what to do with you other than roast you with other vegetables!”
If this is you then get amongst this recipe fast.
I only made two changes.
The first was to add more parsnip (around 700 grams because it was a main for two fatties). Note that this doesn’t affect the amount of cream that goes into it.
In fact, I think it would possibly be too sickly with only 500 grams of parsnip.
The second was to top the gratin with cheese rather than butter. This was risky but it seems to have paid off.
I will say this is extremely rich and though I cooked it for a main it’s probably better used as a side for four rather than a main for two.
Actually, given that it’s all wintery… Grilled (non-Irish) pork chops with some moderately expensive apple sauce would definitely team with the theme.
(Or you could use some kind of winter pork sausages but you get the idea. Shut up.)
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Poverty Meal: Chickpeas alla Nigella
So many of my poverty meals are based originally on a Nigella recipe. But with this one I am just going to copy it out wholesale cos it’s the shizz.
It doesn’t have a name so feel free to make one up.
I was thinking about calling it Vicpeas because sherry reminds me of vicars but it turns out that is a really fucking lame attempt.
‘Vicars balls’ is thusly the current working title.
Ingredients
- Wok oil (or use a mixture of sesame, garlic and vegetable oils. Or whatever fruity combination your brain comes up with. I didn’t have wok oil or garlic oil because not even I am that gay.)
- Cumin seeds. It says two teaspoons but I use so, so much more than that. I clearly have yet to grasp the concept of spices. Why are they sold in such large quantities? At my market you can buy them in sacks. Sacks!! I am going to say “discretionary amount” of cumin seeds.
- Two cans of chickpeas. Rinsed and drained.
- One pack of rocket leaves.
- 60ml of cream sherry. Clearly I use more than that amount as well. Then I drink the sherry. It’s so coming back in… Along with port. Trust me. I can feel it.
Nigella includes salt as an ingredient but that goes without saying. ‘Air’, ‘a kitchen’, ’some ability to judge depth perception’ are also required.
Method
- Heat the fruity oil and the entire sack of cumin seeds in a wok.
- Add the chickpeas, rocket leaves, sherry and ’salt’ (depth perception required) and cook until the liquid is gone, the rocket leaves are wilted and the chickpeas are heated through.
That’s it!
Nigella lists a poached egg on top to serve but I’m too lazy. I suppose you could add the egg during the cooking phase like you do with fried rice. Whatever. Let me know if you do and I will begrudgingly make the changes.
We eat this on its own (not for nothing is this a poverty meal) but it also works as a side salad for anything Moroccan or ‘Araby’.
Poverty Meal: Mexican Tuna Casserole
I’m so proud of how white trash this is.
It’s based on my mother’s slightly less white trash recipe. Unfortunately her version calls for a roux to be made and I just can’t afford the extra butter or flour.
So I made this!
Actually this one will impress her because she has a love for all things Mexican (food, Cameron, etc). Of course, this is about as Mexican as I am but you get the idea.
It’s Baja California by way of Fountain Lakes.
Ingredients
- 2 x can of chopped tomatoes
- 500 grams (drained weight) of tuna in water (not oil you fat slags)
- 1 large bunch coriander (chopped with stalks)
- Small can of tinned corn (optional)
- 1 really large red onion (they’re huge here. use 2 if need be)
- 1 can mexi beans (in chilli sauce or similar. not plain kidney beans)
- 1 packet of taco/chilli seasoning mix (see? authentic)
- 200 gram pack of Doritos or similar -preferably unflavoured
- 200 gram pack of grated cheese
This makes a truly unholy amount of food which is important because it tastes so much better on day 2.
Note: It may look like you can eat this cold the next day but you can’t. I tried.
Method
- In an absolutely enormous bowl -one of those stainless steel ones or a stockpot from a womens prison kitchen- combine the drained tuna, chopped tomatoes, coriander, beans, corn and mexi powder.
- Mix with a large stick and your burly prison arms.
- Let sit for as long as possible in the fridge. It only takes a few seconds so you can prep it before work.
- Brown the chopped onions over medium heat in a giant stockpot before adding the enormous pre-mixed bowl.
- Stir to heat through then remove from the hob and pour into an oiled casserole tray. I have one of those long rectangular ones. Pat down.
- Without opening the bag crush all the corn chips -either with your hands or gently with a mallet (like massaging your prison wife).
- Pour the crushed corn chips on top of the casserole and then cover the top with grated cheese.
- Heat in the oven until cheese golden and blah blah blah. Ours takes an hour and we have to cover it with foil for half the time but our shithouse oven is broken and it would probably be faster if I cooked by putting food beside a small bedside lamp.
Once again, I can’t stress how much food this makes. This is dinner for two, then lunch the next day then dinner with salad that night. (It tastes amazing the second night.)
However, it reheats splendidly from frozen so if you have a couple of smaller glass casserole dishes (or even aluminium trays) just do that.
